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I was born into a Jewish family in 1955. We were not religious,
but my mother’s belief in God was a source of strength for her when I was born seriously deformed in my hips and feet. The
doctors said I would never walk and would have to be tutored at home.
My mother rejected this, and I had many surgeries
as a child. She wanted me to attend school like other children.
My uncle wrote to Premier Khrushchev, asking that I
be admitted to the great medical institute in Leningrad for treatment. Khrushchev responded, and at age 5, I was sent to
Leningrad. When I was 7, I left the institute in August and then walked with crutches into my public school in Azerbaijan
in September! I also went to a special music school. By age 9, I could walk without crutches, although it was, and still
is, difficult.
I knew I was Jewish, and Papa said Jews are chosen people, so of course we are persecuted. He was proud
that our name, Kogan, came from the priestly name Kohen (from the Kohath clan that included Aaron).
My father also
said I looked like Mary, the mother of Jesus, with my long hair parted in the middle. He said Jesus did not have a father,
but was a good rabbi. My Russian babysitter also spoke of Jesus. When I lifted my hands to find Him, she said He was not to
be seen, but believed.
Growing up, I thought about God – out in nature, at home alone, or listening to soft music.
I talked to Him, but did not hear from Him. When I had to take classes in atheism, I asked Him to forgive me.
I finished
the institute for foreign languages at age 24, with a major in English. Sadly, my mother died a year before my graduation.
In
1981, my family emigrated as refugees to Brooklyn. I spent 10 years painfully adjusting to this new life. I had been very
sociable, but here I felt so alone. My father remarried, and my brother and sister had families – but I in my own apartment
had no one.
Once I visited a church with a young American lady. But I thought people were fanatics as they prayed loudly
with closed eyes and raised hands. I was shocked and never returned. People at the Jewish center where I taught English said
it was a sin for Jews to go to church. I refused other invitations, but really I feared religion would restrict me – and I
wanted freedom.
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In 1994, I visited Israel and began to come alive spiritually.
At the Wailing Wall, I was amazed by a deep sense of God’s presence. I wrote wishes on a note and pressed it into a crack,
hoping for a job, an end to loneliness and a nice husband.
The day after I returned home, my father died. Yet I felt
strong inside, not miserable. Something was changing.
Late in 1996, I met Valeriy. We grew close, and I thought, "Thank
God I met a Jewish man so I don’t have to change my religion." But a month later, without my knowing it, he accepted Jesus!
After
a few months, he said, "My relationship with you was serious and I wanted to marry you. But now I am a Christian – I accepted
Jesus in my heart. If you trust Him as I do, I would marry you."
I was so shocked and depressed. Finally, I attended
church and accepted Jesus in some way, but my doubts continued. On Christmas Eve, Valeriy said he felt I was not comfortable
with Jesus, so we would have to end our relationship. Darkness descended on my life as I turned away from a bright light and
chose to reject God’s blessing.
By spring, I knew that I needed to accept Jesus in the right way. Soon, Valeriy called,
and I met with the pastor and gave my life to Jesus! I began to serve the Lord by hosting a Bible study in my home. I felt
much better after choosing to receive God’s blessing.
One night, a voice told me to read Ephesians 5. When I did so,
I found verses about husbands and wives. I thought maybe God was telling me I would marry soon, but I said nothing. Six months
later, Valeriy asked me to marry him. Our wedding in the church, under the Jewish chuppah (canopy), was truly blessed and
beautiful!
I rejoice that I accepted Jesus into my heart. Before, not understanding, I was lonely and miserable. Now,
I thank God so much for Jesus and blessings and people and church. I am not lonely now, but joyful because God is with me
and helps me. I want to serve Him more.
With all my heart, I offer advice from my own experience. Today, I can say
to people with very difficult lives, diseases and suffering: accept Jesus into your life! You will be new, and can be fulfilled
by Him in every way! God bless you.
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